When you’re divorced, no matter if you initiated it or were forced into it by your spouse, there are all kinds of messages that might be floating around in your head about who is responsible for what part of the marriage falling apart.
One thing you know for sure at this point is that the relationship is over. What will be up to you, though, is how to move forward with your life and look back on the past without regretting what happened. Here are some steps you can take so that divorce isn’t the end of your story, but rather a simple beginning.
Before I tell you some of the things that I did, I will say that I got help. getoverdivorce.org was a great resource that I could do on my own. I listened to the audio, followed along with the guide and helped me do a mind reset. It wasn’t expensive and it helped me feel better earlier and faster than I would have done on my own.
Here’s just a few tips that helped me. There were so many things that could help you too.
1) Take Off The Victim Mask
When we feel like we’ve been wronged or hurt by someone else, we tend to put on this mask and get righteously indignant about our situation. We stubbornly believe that “I am the victim” and refuse to accept the role we had in how things turned out.
This is a mistake. Even if they are completely at fault, remember that you are responsible for your happiness. Start from there.
2) Reframe The Past
When something happens that you didn’t want, it’s easy to blame yourself or someone else. But if you keep looking back with regret and anger, the past will only have more power over you in the future. Instead of blaming what happened on anyone else or letting it define you, try looking at your past experiences from a new perspective.
For instance, if you left a job because you found it boring and the pay was terrible but later realized that money was tight for your family because of it, consider how your past decisions have contributed to where you are now. If your marriage fell apart after years of arguing and unhappiness, maybe you thought that staying in a familiar situation was better than taking a risk and finding something else. Even if you’re not proud of how things turned out, consider your past as an opportunity to learn about yourself and where you can do better next time.
3) Let Your Future Guide You
When we look back on the past with regret or anger, the only people who really lose are us. That’s because it keeps us stuck in a negative mind frame where we don’t do all that we can to improve our future. If you have something positive to look forward to, it will give you energy and hope for what is yet to be.